This post was one that I was dreading to write, but I knew I was supposed to. So, here we are. As shown in the promoting photograph, it’s not the most flattering picture of me. At the same time, it is a very real and raw picture of me. Granted, this was a candid picture but it draws a direct parallel between what I wanted to share today.
Over the weekend I had the opportunity to attend Sparrow Conference. This weekend consisted of hundreds of women carefully dissecting the words of James the Just and identifying ways to apply these truths to our lives. Walking away, I was gently prompted by Jesus to really reflect on my own personal life and think about the ways He is calling me to be sanctified. The one idea that kept surfacing was and continues to be silent anger.
James 3:5-6: So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself.”
-You may or may not be thinking how this connects with anger. As I was sitting under the leadership of Jen Wilkin, she shared how grumbling falls under the category of using our tongue in an ill-manner. And, boy oh boy. Grumbling destroys. It’s a passive aggressive manner of making your displeasure known and heard.
As a self-proclaimed introvert, I sinfully pride myself on my internal processor and how everything I think and feel remains within the depths of my heart. For a while, I thought it was going well. But, it’s really not. Through my subtle actions and words, they are heavily laced with anger. I will say that this process has taken place over the course of a couple of years. I’ve become more and more aware of how I respond and react when people may hurt me. If you want the quick answer, look at the picture and know that’s what’s hidden in my heart. If you want the long answer, keep reading.
At the end of the day, we display anger in ways contrary to Christ. As you look throughout scripture, you’ll see His anger, but his anger is defined as righteous anger. In other words, Jesus became upset over anything associated with sin. If we think about our sources of anger, some stem from situations when people may not do what we want, not respond in a certain way, etc. The list goes on. The similarities are glaring. The root of our anger is solely focused on us.
Moving forward, I am really praying and asking God to grow me in this area. It’s been hard. It’s been less than a few days since the conference and I’ve failed tremendously. At the same time, I am growing in my understanding of God’s grace. It’s the most beautiful paradox.
Reflection: As I have shared a piece of my story, I hope and pray that your response to this post would encourage you to reflect on the ways the Lord is moving in your life to sanctify you and praise God for the grace that He has so faithfully poured out on our lives through this process.
As I grow and as I change
May I love you more deeply
I will lean upon your grace
I will weep because your goodness is unending.
Love and prayers,